Many have experienced the confusion of traffic accidents and have
had to summarize correctly what happened in a few words or less
on insurance or accident forms. The following quotes were taken
from those forms and were eventually published in the Toronto Sun
Paper.
1) Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a
tree I don't have.
2) The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
3) I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I
put my hand through it.
4) I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
5) A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
6) A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
7) I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel
to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction
going the other way.
8) I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my
mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
9) In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
10) I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home.
As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision.
11) I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the
wheel and had an accident.
12) I was on my way to the doctors with rear end trouble, when my
universal joints gave way, causing me to have an accident.
13) Upon collision and in a flash of blue, I hit my head, twisted my
neck, and tossed the lower part of my body out the side window.
14) To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
15) My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
16) An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
17) I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my
hat, I found that I had a skull fracture.
18) I was sure the old fellow would not make it to the other side
of the street when I struck him.
19) The pedestrian had no idea which way to go, so I ran over him.
20) I saw the slow moving, sad faced gentleman as he bounced off the
hood of my car.
21) I was thrown from my car as it left the road, I was later found in
a ditch by some stray cows.
22) The telephone pole was approaching fast. I attempted to swerve
out of its way, when it struck the front of my car.
23) The accident occurred with me waving to the man I hit last week.
24) I hit a bus stop sign that was obscured by human beings.
25) The pedestrian was all over the road, I had to swerve a few times
before I hit him.
26) A bull was standing near and a fly must have tickled him as he
gored my car.
27) A stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever
appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
28) I immediately applied my brakes as the vehicle struck the cement wall,
thus bringing my car to a complete halt.
29) I left my car unattended for a minute when by accident it ran away.
31) I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress, then
we met on impact.
32) I struck the young man with my husband's car. He wanted to call the police
but after having a look at my particulars he decided we should go
to his apartment and settle things in private.
33) I thought I could squeeze between two trucks when my car became squashed.
34) I thought my car was in reverse but I found otherwise when it lurched
forward, doing injury to a parking meter. When the police arrived
the meter had expired.
35) I was contemplating continuous travel of a relaxing nature when, without
due justification or color of right, my vehicle was struck in the rear
by a vehicle driven by a person of obvious sub-normal intelligence.
36) I was on my way through a green light, with 3 witnesses, on the way to
the accident that was about to happen.
37) I was thrown from my car as I left the road. I was later found in a
ditch by some stray cows.
38) I was unable to control my car when it went berserk and struck
another vehicle.
39) I was unable to stop in time, and my car crashed into the other vehicle.
The driver and passengers left immediately for a vacation with injuries.
40) My car hit a pothole and came to rest approximately fifteen feet below
the surface of the road.
41) My girlfriend kissed me. I lost control and woke up in the hospital.
42) My mind became confused by a sign that read "Free Puppy for Sale".
The next thing I remember, I was in the ditch.
43) No one was to blame for the accident but it never would have
happened if the other driver had been alert.
44) The accident happened when a right front door of a car came around
the corner without giving a signal.
45) The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid
by steering it into the other vehicle.
46) The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in
the bush with just his rear end showing.
47) The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car
with a big mouth.
48) The other car attempted to cut in front of me, so I, with my right front
fender, removed his left rear tail light.
49) The other driver looked like the usual lane-hopping type with thick horn
rimmed glasses, pimply faced, brown suit and thick soled shoes.
50) The other driver struck my car with an Expired Drivers License
then left the scene of the accident.
51) There was a heavy fog and I was unable to find the traffic lights.
A witness told the police that the other driver had the lights
with him when he entered the intersection.
52) When I pressed the windshield spray button my car left the road
and struck a fire hydrant. I was unable to see the road because of
the spray. My windows are clean.
53) When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and
crashed into the other car.
SENTENCES TAKEN FROM ACTUAL LETTERS RECEIVED BY A
LOCAL WELFARE DEPARTMENT TO APPLICATIONS FOR SUPPORT
The following is from a sheet printed by Baldy Sayings, 901 Arendell
Street, Morehead City, NC 28557.
I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I have
seven, but one which was baptised on a half sheet of paper.
I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two
years old. When do I get my money?
Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited by
the clergy regularly.
I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why?
I am glad to report that my husband who was missing is dead.
This is my ninth child. What are you going to do about it?
Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am now
living with can't eat or do ,anything, until he knows for sure.
I am very annoyed to find you have branded my son illiterate. This
is as dirty lie, as I was married a week before he was born.
In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing ten
pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.
I am fowarding my marriage certificate and three children, one of
which is a mistake as you can see.
My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago and I haven't had
any relief since. What are you going to do about it?
Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon I will be forced to lead
an immortal life.
You have changed my little boy to a little girl. Will this make any
difference.
I have no children yet as my husband is a truck driver and works day
and night.
In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in
the enclosed envelope.
I want my money as quick as I can get it. I've been in bed with the
doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things do not
improve, I will have to send for another doctor.
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