The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of PhD dissertations and academic papers. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone reading a science or medical journal. IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN -- I didn't look up the original reference. A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT -- These data are practically meaningless. WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS -- An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published. THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY -- The other results didn't make any sense. TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN -- This is the prettiest graph. THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT -- I might check this out further, if it helps me get a lucrative grant. IN MY EXPERIENCE -- Once. IN CASE AFTER CASE -- Twice. IN A SERIES OF CASES -- Three times. IT IS BELIEVED THAT -- I think. IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT -- A couple of my buddies think so, too. CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE -- Wrong. ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS -- Rumor has it. A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS -- A wild-assed guess. A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA -- Three pages of notes were obliterated when the clown sitting next to me in the bar knocked over his beer. IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS --I don't have a clue what happened. AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES -- Neither do my buddies. THANKS ARE DUE TO PETER SCHOTZENHEIMER FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO CYNTHIA CHANG FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS -- Mr. Schotzenheimer did the work and Ms. Chang explained it to me. A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY -- My dissertation advisor couldn't figure it out, so he stuck me with it. IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD -- by somebody else, because I quit. Back to Gallery of Funny Stories | Back to Gallery of Funny Stuff |
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