Backhanded Compliments
"You'll be lucky if you can get him to work for you."
"I recommend X to you with no qualifications whatsoever."
"This student has a curious mind."
I think it was George Bernard Shaw who, when asked to give his opinion
of a particularly conceited actor's particularly bad performance
replied "Good wasn't the word for it".
For the Chronically Absent:
"A man like him is hard to find"
"It seemed her career was just taking off"
For the office drunk:
"I feel his real talent is wasted here"
"We generally found him loaded with work to do"
For an employee with no ambition
"He could not care less about the number of hours he had
to put in"
A stupid employee:
"There is nothing you can teach a man like him"
A dishonest employee:
"Her true ability was deceiving"
"He's an unbelieveable worker"
====== Numerical performance ratings and their interpretation
-Degree of Performance-
1 - Far Exceeds Job Requirements
2 - Exceeds Job Requirements
3 - Meets Job Requirements
4 - Needs Improvement
5 - Does Not Meet Minimal Requirements
Area Of Performance
-------------------
Quality Of Work ___ 1 - Leaps tall buildings with a single bound
___ 2 - Leaps tall buildings with a running start
___ 3 - Can leap a short building if prodded
___ 4 - Bumps into building
___ 5 - Cannot recognize buildings
-------------------
Promptness ___ 1 - Is faster than a speeding bullet
___ 2 - Is a fast as a speeding bullet.
___ 3 - Would you believe a slow bullet?
___ 4 - Misfires frequently
___ 5 - Wounds self when handling guns
-------------------
Initiative ___ 1 - Is stronger than a locomotive
___ 2 - Is as strong as a bull elephant
___ 3 - Almost as strong as a bull
___ 4 - Shoots the bull
___ 5 - Smells like a bull
-------------------
Adaptability ___ 1 - Walks on water
___ 2 - Keeps head above water under stress
___ 3 - Washes with water
___ 4 - Drinks water
___ 5 - Passes water in emergencies
-------------------
Communication ___ 1 - Talks to God
___ 2 - Talks with Angles
___ 3 - Talks to himself
___ 4 - Argues with himself
___ 5 - Loses arguments with himself
====== REVIEW TERMS
says: 'Maintains a high degree of participation.'
means: 'Comes to work on time.'
says: 'Excels in the effective application of skills.'
means: 'Makes a good cup of coffee.'
says: 'Displays excellent intuitive judgement.'
means: 'Knows when to disappear.'
says: 'Displays great dexterity and agility.'
means: 'Dodges and evades superiors well.'
says: 'Demonstrates imaginative leadership.'
means: 'Imagines self to be Ivan the Terrible.'
says: 'Inspires the cooperation of others.'
means: 'Gets everyone else to do the work.'
says: 'Excels in sustaining concentration while avoiding
confrontations.'
means: 'Ignores everyone.'
says: 'Is willing to take calculated risks.'
means: 'Doesn't mind spending someone else's money.'
says: 'Identifies major management problems.'
means: 'Complains a lot.'
says: 'Keeps well informed on business, political
and social issues.'
means: 'Subscribes to Playboy and National Enquirer.'
says: 'Is exceptionally well informed.'
means: 'Knows where all the skeletons are kept.'
says: 'Delegates responsibility effectively.'
means: 'Passes the buck well.'
says: 'Accepts new job assignments willingly.'
means: 'Never finishes a job.'
says: 'Optimizes the use of available resources.'
means: 'Conserves supplies and funds by never doing
anything.'
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