Christmas Challenge - Match the song descriptions to the song titles 1. A Trio Of Non-occidental Potentates Is Our Identity 2. Celestial Messengers From Splendid Empires 3. During The Dark Hours When Herdsmen Attended Their Charges 4. From Dark 'til Dawn; Soundless And Sanctimonious 5. Frozen Condensate, The Mannequin Of Crystalline H2o 6. Gather, Ye Who Are True 7. I Anticipate The Receipt Of No Gifts This Festive Season 8. I Cogitate While I Emigrate 9. In A Distant Bovine Feed Trough 10. May A Divine Authority Grant Joyous Retirement Unto You Males 11. My Sole Desire For The Yuletide Season Is Receipt Of A Pair Of Certial Incisors 12. O Miniature Judean Village 13. O Sacred Nocturnal Period - The Heavens Glisten Brilliantly 14. Ornament The Corridors With Large Sprigs Of Berry-bearing Evergreens 15. Our Desire Is Your Yuletide Cheer 16. Personal Hallucinations Of An Alabaster December 25th 17. Please Permit Pristine Precipitation 18. Questionable Infant, Unidentified 19. Sterling Resonant Chimes 20. Suzanne The Crystalline Snow Draws Nigh 21. Testimony Of Witness To Maternal Parent's Infidelity With Kris Kringle 22. The Antlered Quadruped With The Cerise Proboscis 23. The Arrival Occurred At 2:00 At Night With Visibility Unlimited 24. The Holiday Commemorating The Birth Of Christ Approaches. 25. The Lilliputian Laddy Percussionist 26. The Natal Day of A Sovereign 27. The Patron Saint Of Children Is Arriving In The Metropolis 28. Universal Elation! 29. Upon The Roof Horned Quadrupeds Hesitate 30. Yuletide's Dozen Days All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth Angels From The Realms Of Glory Away In A Manger Birthday Of A King Christmas Is Coming Deck The Halls With Boughs Of Holly Frosty The Snowman God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen Here Comes Suzy Snowflake I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus I Wonder As I Wander I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas I'm Gettin' Nothin' For Christmas It Came Upon A Midnight Clear Joy To The World! Let It Snow Little Drummer Boy O Come All Ye Faithful O Little Town Of Bethelehem Oh Holy Night Rudolph, The Red-nosed Reindeer Santa Claus Is Coming To Town Silent Night Silver Bells, Silver Bells Twelve Days Of Christmas Up On The House Top Reindeer Pause We Three Kings Of Orient Are We Wish You A Merry Christmas What Child Is This? While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night Article: 1892 of rec.humor.funny This appeared in the Asbury Park Press (New Jersey) Sat. Dec.26, 1992. I thought you might enjoy it if you hadn't already seen it. Happy Holidays! -- Bob D'Amore HAPPY SHOPPING TO ALL! ====================== by Suzanne Delcamp Asbury Park Press Staff Writer (Poem reprinted with author's permission) Twas the week after Christmas, and all through the counties, The people went shopping to return all their bounty. The shoppers -- so many! -- roamed warily through the malls, All seeking elusive discount Christmas balls. The children came, too, and broke out into grins, As they watched Mom return orange ties from Aunt Mims. The teens prowled the record stores; the dads looked for books. A horde of old ladies searched for marked-down crochet hooks. Away in the parking lot, nearby spaces were rare, Though if you drove far away enough there were plenty to spare. The malls were just bustling, the folks dashing to and fro, And the prospect of bargains made some shoppers glow. Then what to consumers' wondering eyes should appear, But a clearance rack of sweaters all made from cashmere. I smiled at the shoppers, so lively and quick, Everyone was eager to spend the money from St. Nick. More rapid than eagles, shoppers came and came, Some reciting the stores they'd visit, name after name. First Macy's! Then Caldor! And Herman's and Braddock's. And don't forget McCrory, Lord & Taylor and Wallach's! To the upper level! To the lower level! Thank goodness for the mall! Let's shop away, shop away, shop away all! And as corridors got crowded and the madness intensified, The shoppers greeted waiting lines that stretched out to July, Up to the counters the lines snaked inch by inch, But then when else is returning ever such a cinch? Then in the twinkling of an eye something opened up quite near, I stopped and I shook myself. An available cashier! But as I drew up my packages and was turning around, Someone raced to the register, beating me hands down. She was piled under packages, from her head to her toes, And the remnants of Christmas wrapping clung to her clothes. After shifting her bundle she began to unpack, That's when I realized they were all being taken back! Her eyes were glazed, her dimples anything but merry! Her face looked tired. Was she happy? Not very. Her small little mouth was drawn tight as a knot, And there at her side were several tired tots. She set down her packages, starting with the neon tinsel wreath, Then came the toothpick maker and some mechanical chattering teeth. The clerk eyed her wearily, but still the packages came, A ring rack, a poster, a plastic Great Dane. There was something funny about her, with her passel of elves, And I smirked as I watched her, in spite of myself. But with a wink of her eye and a twist of her head, I saw that once all this was returned there was more shopping ahead. She spoke not a word, just went back to her work. New play shoes for Willy, a new skirt for work. And then pointing a finger and rising up on her toes, She broke into a trot as she headed toward the bargain panty hose. As she sprang down the aisle, to her children she whistled, And they all flew behind her like tiny guided missles. But I heard her exclaim as she pranced out of sight, "Happy Shopping to all, and to all a good night!" -- Selected by Maddi Hausmann. MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply. Jokes ABOUT major current events should be sent to topical@clarinet.com (ie. jokes which won't be funny if not given immediate attention.) Anything that is not a joke submission goes to funny-request@clarinet.com Back to Gallery of Funny Stories | Back to Gallery of Funny Stuff |
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